What to remove from your emails so you are taken more seriously at work

At first glance, my emails are polite and warm; after all, I’m “just checking” a deadline, but “don’t worry either way.”

However, a closer look reveals that my messages are punctuated by unnecessary apologies, smiley faces, exclamation points, and even kisses.

I like to think I’m being friendly and approachable, but according to experts, these language habits may be quietly undermining how serious I am taken at work.

Career coach Hannah Salton and etiquette coach William Hanson explain why many of us write this way and the impact it could have on how we’re perceived and even promoted at work.

“Thank you so much!” I have responded to many emails; my score may be extra, but one point seems compelling.

People use exclamation points to show “positivity and enthusiasm,” says Hannah.

Women use them three times more than men, according to a recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

She believes this is probably due to the idea that “women are often judged more harshly than men when they are direct and called bossy and other negative gender words.”

And while a single exclamation point isn’t the problem, the cumulative effect can be, Hannah warns.

“If it seems fake or seems to cover up insecurity, it could affect credibility,” he explains.

Written communication is very easy to misinterpret, which is why many of us insert an emoji as an image of our warmth or humor.

But etiquette coach William Hanson warns that this can backfire.

“An emoji can mean different things to different people or something completely unexpected,” he says.

“It would be better if people used words and a good command of English,” he advises.

Emojis can have a “childish connotation” that could lead people to perceive you as younger, less old, capable or responsible, he says.

“I wouldn’t put an emoji in an email,” he says. “You can be friendly when writing and still be professional at the same time.”

And when it comes to kissing them goodbye, she says, “I would never put a kiss at the end of an email unless I kissed them on the cheek in real life.”

“Just checking that you’re following me and that this all makes sense?”

Emails that contain reassuring messages can be self-deprecating, Hannah says, adding that over time, that tone can subtly shape how someone is perceived.

“As a manager, it’s difficult to find the balance between being liked and respected, and if you’re not direct, there’s a risk of creating the impression of being less capable,” he says.

“There are definitely times when communicating in an overly measured or apologetic manner can make one seem less impactful.”

“A lot of this is unconscious,” says Hannah. “No one reads an email and thinks ‘oh, they’re not backed up,’ it’s more subtle than that.

“But if you constantly communicate in a way that pleases people, that can create an impression of someone who doesn’t support themselves or is potentially less competent.”

Here are some of the things you might want to consider losing to appear more professional, our experts suggest:

• Qualifying words like “just” (“just checking”, “just wondering”)
• Preemptive apologies like “sorry to bother you” or “I’m sure you’re very busy but…”
• Reassurance checkers like “does that make sense?”, “I hope this is okay,” or “don’t worry about it in any way.”
• exclamation marks
• emojis
• Kisses or farewells that are too warm

Hannah and William emphasize that this is not about removing all warmth or personality from professional communication.

“Personal style is important,” says Hannah. “Showing personality at work is not a bad thing. You don’t want to feel like you have to filter everything you write and take away any personality.”

But at the same time you should not use certain words and symbols “as a tool to please.”

A practical way to spot and reduce these habits without losing your personality is to pay attention to the emails you receive and notice how different styles make you feel: what sounds clear, confident or reassuring, and what feels excessive, he says.

Salton says AI tools can also be helpful in reviewing drafts and removing excess filler or qualifying words.