Saying no can be uncomfortable. Many of us were raised to do what we were told and as adults we struggle to go against how we were raised.
“We equate compliance with good and defiance with evil,” says Dr. Sah. “Kids get a lot of compliance training, but they also need to get defiance training.”
Reshaping the way we view and define saying no is key. Seeing it as a positive act rather than a negative one can be instrumental in taking more control over decisions.
“Defiance is acting in accordance with your true values, especially when there is pressure to do otherwise.”
When deciding whether to say yes or no, the question you need to ask yourself is whether you are going against your values.
They are often expressed as single, powerful words like integrity, compassion, or equality. But we may have difficulty implementing them in daily life.
Establishing your values is the first step to defending them. “If we write them down, research shows we are more likely to act on them,” says Dr. Sah.
