Endometriosis Dating: Frozen Eggs, Fatigue, and Unattractive Topics

It was only their third date when Sophie and her new love interest Dillon visited a fertility clinic.

The couple had previously discussed intimacy with a chronic illness, egg freezing and other “unsexy topics.”

For Sophie Richards, 29, those early conversations were just part of the daunting prospect of finding love when you have endometriosis, which can cause infertility.

The condition means that cells similar to those in the lining of the uterus grow in other parts of the body, which can cause symptoms including menstrual pain, fatigue and pain in the lower abdomen and back.

When Sophie met her now fiancé, Wales rugby international Dillon Lewis, she felt she had to be honest.

At the time, she was freezing her eggs, a process she began due to potential fertility issues due to her endometriosis.

“It can be very challenging, especially with endometriosis or something chronic, or infertility issues that I’ve had to struggle with,” Sophie said.

“How do you tell that to someone new and hope it doesn’t scare them?”

Despite feeling uncomfortable, she mentioned the condition shortly after they met.

“I had to explain… about injections and surgeries and all that, very unsexy topics to talk about.”

• Endometriosis is a condition in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus is found in other areas of the body, such as the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and lining of the pelvis.

• Sometimes it also affects organs such as the bladder and intestine. Rarely, endometriosis is found in areas outside the pelvis, such as the chest.

• Symptoms include severe to debilitating pain, often in the pelvic area, fatigue and heavy periods, and the condition is also associated with infertility.

Source: National Health Service

It affects approximately one in 10 women in Wales.

There is currently no cure for the condition, but there are treatments to help relieve symptoms, including surgery to remove tissue or remove part of the organs affected by endometriosis.

Sophie credits her fiancé Dillon for his support and desire to learn about the condition.

“Sophie taught me many hours over a G&T, because Sophie was very open about it,” he said.

“It made learning a lot easier, but she didn’t mind the stupid questions either.”

The 29-year-old Newport-based Dragons prop, who has earned 57 caps for Wales, said asking questions and being open was key to offering the support of a partner.

“Just try to help in any way, like I always say ‘is there anything I can do?’ and the answer 99% of the time is no, but at least I like to ask… and get a hot water bottle from time to time,” he added.

Sophie, now a women’s health advocate and podcaster, said it was vital to be with someone who supported her, whatever the challenges.

“I really don’t think I can be with someone who doesn’t want to understand endometriosis, because in the end I will live with it forever. It’s chronic,” she added.

She wants more women to feel safe talking about the impact endometriosis can have on sex and intimacy, although she recognizes how discouraging it can be.

“I’m an open book now… six years ago, I couldn’t even say the word period without blushing,” she said.

Natalie Jones, from Cardiff, has endometriosis and adenomyosis and is currently awaiting her fourth surgery.

The 35-year-old, diagnosed in 2018, has recently returned to dating after a period of poor health.

The doctoral student described herself as a “spontaneous person” by nature, but said she is often so exhausted that she fears canceling dates could give the wrong impression: that she is unreliable or, worse, uninterested.

“If sometimes you’re just exhausted and have to cancel plans, especially in a new relationship, it can sound like you’re just putting someone off, or you’re unreliable, or you’re bothering someone.”

The academic researcher said it can be particularly complicated when it comes to sex with the added worry of heavy bleeding or pain.

“You don’t want to set that expectation that intimacy is going to be achieved by having that discussion too soon, but then if one thing leads to another, when you bring it up, you stop halfway and say, ‘oh, by the way,'” she said.

The avid traveler and gym-goer said that while it can be difficult to see friends start to settle down, she doesn’t let it get to her.

“This is something I can’t control, but it doesn’t take away from who I am, so if I’m dating or talking to someone who isn’t ready to learn or understand… then that’s probably not the right person anyway,” she added.

Pelvic health physiotherapist Pauline-Clare Callaghan said that while there has been progress in open discussions around menstrual health and menopause in recent years, there is still much to be done, especially on sexual pain related to endometriosis.

The health professional, who has a special interest in endometriosis, said sexual pain with this condition can be complicated and may be related to the location of scar tissue, adhesions and fibrosis, or to hyperactivity, tightness or inflammation of the pelvic floor muscle.

“There are effective conservative treatments including pelvic physiotherapy, but there is a gap in care, there are many barriers to addressing sexual pain in endometriosis, including lack of awareness/understanding of available support, shame, cultural issues and access to care issues,” she said.

Faye Farthing, from Endometriosis UK, said the condition can have a “huge impact” on people’s sex lives and relationships.

“Sex can be a difficult topic to discuss with your partner, especially if you are in a new relationship, so it is vital that social conversations about sex and endometriosis continue to break the stigma,” she said.