Are tracking apps okay for parents to use with their adult children?

Is he affectionate or authoritarian?

Many parents turn to their phones to check on their adult children, but is that okay (if they’re okay with it) or is it a sign that moms and dads are struggling to let go?

Father-of-two Steven Medway, 53, has his entire family connected to a tracking app and couldn’t understand why it was such a divisive topic among other parents.

He said it came in particularly handy when his daughter Martha moved 100 miles from home to go to college.

“She feels a little less distant when you have that,” he said.

Research by Unite Students, which surveyed 1,027 parents of first-year university students across the UK, found that 67% of parents use an app to track their child’s location, but only 17% communicate with them daily.

Dr Martin Brunet, a GP and author who posts mental health content on social media, said that while it was “a personal choice”, he strongly advised parents to “let them fly the nest” for their own wellbeing.

“One of the hardest parts of parenting is letting go and our modern world has made it easier for us not to, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing,” he added.

Steven, from Michaelston-y-Fedw, near Cardiff, has been using the Life 360 ​​app for years, when his daughter Martha, now 19, started spending time outside her village with friends.

“We live in a fairly rural area [and] “We thought it was a good idea because if she needs to be picked up or something… it will give you directions to Martha, wherever she is.”

Therefore, when Martha started at the University of Reading in September, it seemed natural that they would continue using the app.

“She goes to parties, she doesn’t get to her hallways until 3:30. But it’s not a problem, I don’t call her saying ‘what’s wrong?’

“It’s just that, when I wake up in the morning, I can see that she’s back in the halls. If she wasn’t, if she was still in the middle of Reading, or her phone was there, maybe I’d call her.

“It’s not that I don’t want her to do anything, I just like knowing she’s back.”

Steven added that Martha was “a pretty independent girl” who had spent a month traveling alone in Japan, as well as interrailing around Europe with friends, so he was used to her being away from home.

He said Martha had “never” turned off the app, but he would respect her choice if she did.

“Many people have mistakenly thought that I’m forcing them to be tracked. At any time, if Martha doesn’t want to be tracked, she can just turn it off. I wouldn’t scold her.”

Owain, 19, the son of pub landlady Maria Connolly, also recently moved from his home in Swansea to go to university in Hertfordshire.

Because Owain is autistic, Maria, 56, said he could be “quite naive” and sometimes found it difficult to relate to other people his age, so the app offered “peace of mind.”

He checks it a couple of times a day to make sure Owain is going out and to keep an eye on his phone’s battery to remind him to charge it if necessary.

“He was a little reluctant at first, but I told him, ‘I pay your mobile phone bill, so if you want me to continue paying the bill, you’ll put this app on your phone.’

“I say ‘I see you’re at Wetherspoons, what table should I send you some drinks?’ “So we keep it fun, but ultimately we keep in mind that it’s for safety.”

She said she would be “disappointed” if Owain didn’t want to use the app more, but that she would “stick with it” and admitted she would text him and call him more often.

“I let him go, he has his independence. I don’t check on him constantly, I just know there is a little safety net.

“He’s not a boy, but he’s my son. He’s my baby.”

Safety is the biggest motivator for Steven, who cited cases such as the triple fatality crash in St Mellons in 2023, when it took police two days to find the car involved.

“Those situations often depend on speed and precision, and [a tracking app] He gives it to us. That to me has incalculable value.”

Steven says that while he has been accused of not trusting his daughter, the opposite is true because “you have to trust your family completely if you allow them 24-hour access to your location.”

The Unite Students survey found that 71% of fathers used tracking apps for their children at university, compared to 59% of mothers.

Lianne Hannam from Cardiff also uses Life 360 ​​with her daughter Erin Mae, 21, and son Ostyn Lee, 15.

“Nowadays, the way the world is, I like to know where my kids are,” he said.

It was actually Erin Mae who suggested her mother download the app about a year ago, while she was using it with her friends.

Lianne, 45, thought it was a good idea, especially since her daughter is a new driver and is starting a job that involves night work.

“It calms me because I worry a lot. But I can give her space because I know where she is, I’m not always after her,” he said.

“It’s not that I have a hard time letting go of my children because they are growing up, what worries me is the outside world. The world scares me.”

Dr. Brunet said he didn’t think parents worried more on days when they couldn’t contact their children so easily.

“If you follow them when they go to college, will you still be doing it five years later? When will it end?”

“I don’t think tracking companies are bad, but they are trying to sell their product and, along with that, sell the myth that if you love your children you will want to track them and that it will make you feel calmer.

“In the short term, you think it has helped your own anxiety but, as with many short-term things for anxiety, you need to think long-term.

“If you grow a tree indoors without wind, it grows tall but not strong. You need your children, in a reasonably safe environment, to be exposed to challenges.”